


CURSED: Nights at the VA

by HoBinksMD (IceDaddyNikiforov)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter RPF, Political RPF, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Butt Plugs, Cursed content, One Shot, Other, The miracle of childbirth, highly cursed content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:33:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27149458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceDaddyNikiforov/pseuds/HoBinksMD
Summary: Who knew that working nights at the VA could be a fun, sexy time. Not Army Veteran Harry Potter! When Harry meets a fun, Disney Adult doctor will he follow his heart? Or the heart that the mischevious Doctor Ho Binks puts into his bodythe fuck
Relationships: Dobby x Vladimir Putin, Former Gollum/Vladimir Putin, Giant Bug x Harry Potter, Possums x Kittens
Kudos: 5





	CURSED: Nights at the VA

**CHAPTER 1**  
Harry Potter chose to get away to Cape Cod with his giant bug after his divorce with Ginny, he was on the rebound and ready to prowl. The bug looked at him and he barfed. The bug ate the barf. Harry thought he had a pain in his butt and also heart

it turned out the pain in his butt was the buttplug he forgot he inserted three weeks ago

It was also a dark and stormy night and his penchant for dark and stormies got the better of him .. he's the laid back one in this ship

he was birthing it  
he was birthing the butt plug  
from his but  
?  
CONTRACTION!!  
the butt plug made an ouchie for him 

dobby yelled "PUSH!!"

but then the butt plug was in breech position  
and could not be delivered safely

He got a giant magic bandaid and placed it over the delivery

so harry had to be taken for an emergent C-sectoin

harry has a ruptured anus now :c

A sexy single and stressed surgeon attended to him, she was also mad with  
possum disease

but the truth was  
[prepz do not interact]

the possum disease was spreading rapidly

HArry said to the surgeong you seem stressed, and i'm laid back

then the surgeon said NOOOOOOOOOooo

the surgeon stopped with the surgery and said yeah and lit a candle  
and died

Harry was still having a contract

but then the surgeon's ghost emerged from the floor  
and entered harry's anus

because the contract was not enough

it pushed for him

and dobby kept screaming PUSH  
but dobby did none of the dirty work himself because he wass busy hoarding socks  
Stop that Dobby said the giant bug

the buttplug was born in breech posiiton

the ghost was sexy, single and stressed, and the surgeon certificate wasnt expired for another 6 hours

they named the buttplug Renesmee  
after harry's mother

and thus, Renesee Analbus Severus Potter was born

now harry, dobby, the giant bug, and the surgeon are in a quadple

harry's mother and father were watching because of magic, they were disappointed in their child

but wait  
it was.......................... SNAP!  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

And the ghost told the nurse to prepare for a breach with extra towels and lube  
then they had a gender reveal party for the buttplug baby  
loopin was masticating the whole time

then profesor mcGoggle was like?????????

the giant bug said, "Gender? in MY babby? it's more likely than you think"

Then a cat showed up, the cat was sexy, stro ng and single like the authoer,  
then the babys gender turned out to be  
"LATIN"

The cat said.. I am more surprised than anylone that we are having a latin babyy  
The cat was named rod dannielas

ouch my esophogus dobby yelled and was stabbed in the larynx by a masked figure

oh nO not the LARYNX

suddenly they heard a noise  
dobby shit his pillowcase in fear

it was the entire cast of glee singing despacito

out of the corner of your eye you spot him

will schuester

did you know  
dobby is short for

(i did)

“Dobert”

Mr Shoo we'll never make regionals, dobby said on his death's door bed

"we have a secret weapon now"  
Mr Shoo looked down at dobby and said, sorry you were cut from the team  
mr schoeooeoeo said  
DOBERT ANALBUS SEVERUS POTTER

he turned to the buttplug  
U LISTEN RIGHT NOW  
"only you can save this club"  
but in soviet russia  
"rachel berry has NOTHING on you, butplug"

sue silvester stepped out of the shadows and said I was the nurse the whole time now you will never be good enough to make it to districts\  
the nurse looked at sue and turned into sue  
they make out

she snorted a line of cocaine

in soviet russia  
cocaine snorts hER

(vvitch.gif)

And she was snorted up with a long toube for cocaine that went all the way back to russia

gorbachev's head emerged from the line

well that takes care of that said the entire glee club in unison as they began to give sympathy birth pains

then the russian mafia appeared  
and killed the glee cast

the russian mafia was all cats except one guy who was really rachel berry in disguise

thank god (a woman)!!! said the buttplug

then the giant Bug ripped off her disaguise ……….  
it was ……………margaret thatcher!!!  
yes  
and she was like IT AWS ME THE WHOLE TIME

and revealed a face so horrible dobby unshitted himslef  
just sucked it right back up

dobby vomites

the buttplug was caught in the rapids  
oh nooo! my babby said Haryr  
his babey was in dobby's ass now

then vladamir putin showed up on a unicorn

and rescuedthe buttplug babby from dobbys ass  
and dobby went

thank you master!

the boddies of th cast of glee sucked up into the dobby ass so fast

they finally harmonized  
mr shoo said wowowowowow wer're a shoe-in for rfregionals now

but then vladamir putin waslike  
NO SINGING IN MY HOUSE  
and tehn he kidnapped dobby and ran awya

Mr shoo said well what about rapping  
in soviett russia, the singing sings you  
and the poop shits you

but they were miles away by now

or were they

they were  
anyway here's wonderawall 

And the doctor looked at the little cats and said nooooo! not here at the VA  
said the one remaining body of the glee cast that had not been sucked into dobby's vortex of revrse poop  
but wait

dobby was now enslaved to vladimir putin

let us recall where the little cats came from  
and putin made this face *insert that winking gif*

dobby was a good little sub for vlad

dobby could control the volume of the entire cast of glee's harmonizing by clenching his sphincter

and he swung from the chandelier

Vladamir putin said you7 have won regionals you can go on to semi-regional districts now

oh right the cats, in the worm's hole

then sarah jessica parker arrived and sang a clean version of a scissor sisters song about gay sex

but aharry potter went  
I WILL NOT GO TO SEMI REGIONALS U LIAR  
so he and sarah jessice parker dueted "Toxic" by britney spears

“i AM semi regionals” SAID HARry potter

and thne flew off on vlad's rainbow ass unicorn

the giant bug looked at Sarah and ate her, and said I'm more of a miranda  
(what's an ASS unicorn)  
ASSS unicorns??

harry said I dont' get that reference, and also my babby is in the ass again

wait who was miranda  
wait but  
whose ass in th babby in

weight butt  
and is it the same babby  
…………………………………  
  
**CHAPTER 2**  
renesme was now 6 years old and growing older by the day  
Jake paul came out  
and said I have come to marry the buttplyg  
(it was for youtube views)

renesme was 6 years and 1 day old now

but harry said  
u canno marry my buttplug babi girl

"RENESSMEE ANALBUS SEVERUS POTTER DID YA PUT YER NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIYAH"

and renesee analbus severus potter was like  
HEWP  
HEWWP  
she invoked her one true god  
pwesident obama

Hewwoo?

NOOOOOOO screamed creamy lumpkins the hobgoblin who was standing there the whole time, because she was picking berries and not because she was a perfvert

and then the Lord President Obama appeared from the shitty heavens  
andsaid FIE UPON YOU CRAMY LUMPKINS

Creeamy Lumpkins peed a little in fear

but then He cast his curse upon the h8rs

the pee turned into the cast of glee, but from the later seasons

and then creeamy lumpkins was so scared she UNpeed  
sucked it right back up

but wait!!!  
it caused...............

a URETHRAL RAT INFESTATION (URI)  
she sucked up some rats with her unpee!!!!!

oh boy I'm glad a doctro is here she said

and then pwesident obama was like  
my work here is gone  
done

this is a surgeon  
(it was the buttplug in a mask)

and then he decided to find the True Villains of the story

Vladmiri putin and his concubine  
Dobert

gollema was in a wig and also jealous of dobby 

vlad and dobert were enoying their not-quite-married bliss on the isle of RUssia  
dobert ate raspebberiries and rats every day

gollum could only fit the cast of bones in his ass and thats why he was no longer sexy to vlad

gollum was cast aside intot he fiery pit  
the bones of the Bones cast jingling jangling in the fire

sadly, the cast of glee got too large

it exploded dobby's ass and body

and thus, tragically, Dobert was no more  
a villain not by choice, but by association  
and as his ass exploded  
all the unpoo from 6 years and 1 day ago came forth

"begone thot" said the bones of the cast of bones, their final revenge completed

the giant bug shed a tear and also his skin  
the cast of bones slipped on the skin in unison

the giant bug who was margaret thatcher  
but who was now the cast of Bones

and Pwesident Obama rode with his adopted child renesmee Analbus Severus potter  
on his Holy Chariot, Lightning McQueen

[A/N: pay attention and keep up it's not hard to follow]

maggie grew a mustacke and said  
gotta go fast!

and they rode forth thru the heavens 

and fast they went into the chasm  
until tey arrived at the isle of russia

and that's how i met your mother

where vladmir putin spent.69 seconds mourning dobert  
before he replaced dobert with..............

………gollum in a different wig  
this one was more of a beehive  
(the previous one looked like dame edna)

made of actual bees it was ouchie

and then pwesident obama arrived  
with renesmee analbus severus potter

and now  
we have our ultimate Hero

oooooouuuuuuuchieeeee :c

Pwesident Obama  
face off against our ultimate vilain

In a different part of cape cod an evil villain prepares  
the different part was 1 inch away  
plotting, scheming, watching, waiting  
squeezing grapes

dobert was very very small and it took him 30 years to walk across 1 grain of sand  
so it is in fact very impressive that he managed to fit the cast of Glee in his anus

the grain of sand later won an award for most improved  
and also the largest grain of sand ever

no wonder it exploded

but dobert is in fact dead now  
and we must mvove on

he cannot walk

dobert. is. free

dead tired of not walking  
to the deals strore  
they have great deals on buttplugs

vlad is now known as vlad the impaler  
bc he impaled doby on buttplugs for so long

renesme is there  
she is now 45 and has a pain 

she's his favorite c:

her pain is premenopause  
but wait

the only cure it  
*is  
more cowbell  
\more menospause too

what happened in the 39 years between pwesident obama arriving and renessme being a premenopausal 45 year old  
well,  
dobert's ass and body exploded 

yes

renesema ages quikly and her time on this cape is short

then pwesident obama and vlad married  
and adopted renesseme-  
[no that's too cursed you stop that  
PRESIDENTIAL ALERT]

a dog swallowed president obama

the co-authers are FIGHTING

they are wathing us  
the NSA is watching  
(A/N: Stop flamin u PREPZ)

the nsa was masticating  
;)

(A/N: genius doesn'tcomfe without the price of conflict)

the nsa shut this cult in cape cod down

the CUlt of  
  
  
**CHAPTER 3**

It was still stormy and a lightening struck putin whose hair got slightly tthicker  
or was it……….

a wig

everyone was humanely euthanized for their own protection

everyone  
even YOU

and that's how I met your mother  
[A/N: THAT"s how you break the 4th wall]

and that's how we met ur mtoher and brok the 4th wall

could i date my friend now who ive forced you to call your aunt

hi reader, I'm dad

your aunt dobbby  
:)

hi dad im dead inside

and then your dad started dating aunt dobbie

i know son.

and on that note  
i killed you

NOOOOoooOooo

and the cast of glee was at the wedding

YOU MONSTER 

under the dress

PWESIDENT OBAMA  
HEWP ME

LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!!!!

MY DAD KILLED ME  
and lo and behold, pwesident obama said

[A/N: we're waiting for Author2 to post the perfect next line]  
[A/N: she's taking forever]  
[A/N: her computer died]

[A/N and harry walked out and saw the dead body of his daughter it was also a wake, so he cried so much he threw upp]  
[A/N: Harry looks like Harry styles, but with long silver hair and no underwear and leather pants]  
[A/N: the pants are ass only chaps]

And then  
“What the hELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERUFUCKERS!!!!!!”  
It was…………………….

  
  
**~FIN~**

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: We hope you enjoyed this highly cursed content


End file.
